Are you trying to figure out how to deal with mom guilt? Yeah, me too…
I am visiting my mom in Tennessee with my boy and mom’s guilt has been a constant companion. Having to deal with mom’s guilt is quite familiar to me but since the pandemic, mom’s guilt has been more than a companion; it has been a creepy stalker.
Self-judgment, criticism & condemnation speak louder and louder every time my son comes to me while I am busy with work and of course, I am working from home.
I am realizing that if I don’t overcome this creepy stalker named mom’s guilt, she (because it is a she) will consume me.
I have been experimenting with some tactics to shut her up and some are working better than others. All that said, it is a daily effort to figure out how to overcome mom guilt.
Nevertheless, here are the five methods I have tried with some success to stop mom’s guilt in her tracks.
Here’s how you can try to get over mom’s guilt –
1. Reframe your perspective
Every time the stalker speaks loudly about how my choice of being a working mother is making my son sad, I reframe the phrase and remind myself of my reasons for making that choice in the first place.
It goes like this: “I made a choice to be a working mother because ensuring a financially stable and secure future for my family is important to me and to them.”, “I made a choice of being a working mother because I want my son to know that women belong to every segment of society and that is an incredibly important learning experience.”, “I made a choice of being a working mother because I am a happier human being when working and hence, a happier mother to my son.”
2. Let go of the perfect image
My next tip on how to deal with mom guilt will shake conventional norms of the society…
Being a working mother, I have accepted that I can’t/don’t want to/shouldn’t do it all.
I am okay with being the friend who responds to texts 2 days after I receive them. My friends know my situation and in all likelihood, they are doing the same.
I am also fine with being the parent who doesn’t volunteer at school every week or isn’t a member of the moms’ neighborhood club. I can’t do it all, nor do I want to. And I am perfectly fine with that.
3. Outsource what you can, do some things, let go of the rest
This tip on how to deal with mom guilt has been a lifesaver for me. I choose what gets done around the house and who does it. The rest, well, it just doesn’t get done.
Our dining room has turned into a staging space for Amazon boxes, items to be donated and items to be returned to the store. It badly needs to be decluttered and cleaned; it is almost embarrassing. But I am going to let it be because, well, I don’t want to spend my precious time on it.
Our living spaces, on the other hand, get cleaned religiously because I can’t be productive in a messy and untidy space.
It is all about making a choice that fulfills you and makes you a better, more balanced person to be around. Exhaustion, stress, and over-commitment, even to your own family will not serve you or them well.
Pro Tip – If you want a helping hand while you figure out how to deal with mom guilt, we at Call Emmy offer several services like laundry, house cleaning, home organization, meal preparation, etc. so that you get to spend time with your children.
4. Unfollow the unreal
Instagram is full of those perfect moms, isn’t it?
Some are even our friends. The perfect mom with gorgeous hair wearing $700 sneakers and having a picture-perfect moment with her beautiful family….Every single day….
I honestly do hope that is really what is happening in her real life but I don’t really need to be reminded of how perfect she has it and how, well, not perfect my life is. So…unfollow!
The time you take to scroll on your feed should be inspiring, uplifting, and positive. Be honest with yourself; if it is bringing you down, unfollow the agents. It is easier than you think and it will help you immensely while you learn how to deal with mom guilt.
5. Acknowledge your humanity
Remind yourself often that despite what society tells you, you are a human being with flaws and imperfections. And… you are doing your best.
Be emotionally present; acknowledge your feelings and your needs. This allows you to be present when you are spending time with your kids and family. Do not starve yourself of what you need because of the highly curated and messed up definition of a “perfect mom” that society hands you every day.
You are good enough and you are doing the best you can. And that, in and of itself, makes you the perfect mom to your kids.
Final words on how to deal with mom guilt…
Lastly, remember that feeling guilty means that you care and you have love and concern for others.
However, guilt is a paralyzing emotion and not at all helpful.
Get rid of that guilt and bring out the compassion behind it. It will be a liberating experience and you will enjoy motherhood so much more than before.
How Call Emmy can help you overcome mom’s guilt?
As said earlier, we provide premium services like house cleaning, home organization, laundry, and meal preparation so that you get to spend quality time with your children.
While you outsouce these basic but tedious chores to us, your children gets you undivided attention. Ultimately, it helps you stop feeling guilty.
At the same time, Call Emmy also provide child care or babysitting services that also allows you to focus on your work. Once again saving yourself from feeling guilty of not being able to take care of your kids.
To avail all these services, you simply have to download and install the app (compatible with iOS & Android devices) and book services.
I genuinely hope that my tips on how to deal with mom guilt will sooth your storming mind.
Lastly, here are couple of other related posts that you may want to read –